The Battle of my thoughts

3months of being 3 hours away.

Just my husband and my boys, no family or friends.

I battle with;

People do this all the time, I’ll adjust or Tell him how sad you are and want to go home.

I’m his biggest fan, his groupie, his partner in crime, so when he brought up moving, I jumped all in. It wasn’t the position he was taking, it wasn’t the money. He loved the people and the opportunity to build something with them. They are good genuine people. A rarity these days. He was so excited, so I said let’s do it!

Now, I’m drowning.

Drowning in the tears when I cry myself to sleep every night.

How long does it take to adjust?

I keep thinking it’s going to get better, just takes time.

I should have known better though, I moved to Florida when I was younger and moved home to be back with my mom.

Is it the place? Is it winter blues?

There is something to be said about having a family or friend only 15minutes away. I kept saying it’s only 3 hours it not that far.

It’s far. Really far.

Maybe it’s just a lot of change at once. I went to Working FT to now SAHM.

Side note: they are both equally as hard they just come with different challenges. Stop comparing!!

Yes, you could easily say get a job and put them in daycare. The cost of 2 boys in daycare is astronomical. The last time my toddler was in daycare he puked everyday he came home for weeks. So it may be an option for some, but not for me.

I feel like the biggest failure for being so unhappy. I should be able to handle this. I handle situations, that’s what I do. But my heart, I can’t fake how unhappy I am.

Do you know what I do for fun? I go to target or Starbucks, alone.

We sneak date nights in when family comes to visit, but it’s not the same.

He comes home and I retreat to my room to get a minute. I can feel the disconnect but I need the down time.

So many people tell me how crucial a support system is and how they moved back home when they had kids. Still, I am disappointed in myself. Ultimately if I’m happier, everyone is happier.

I really thought I would adjust. I never questioned or thought I wouldn’t be happy.

So an open letter to my husband, who doesn’t usually read my blog. So my hope is, if he ever comes across it I will have adjusted and be happy by then. Or maybe I’ll get the courage to tell him.

What to do?

Xoxox,

Casey

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *